All about families

Who will carry the torch? the legacy? do people still care about such things?

I remember a time when we as family would gather, gather at someones home. The grown folks would gather upstairs in the dining room or living room where from every room in the house you could hear the sound of over the top laughter at jokes only grown folk found funny. The sound of clinking glasses, the combined smells of cheap perfume, expensive perfume, after shave, hairspray (Afro sheen to be exact).  Cigarettes in combination with the smells from the mixed dishes of food which were now empty or damn near. The stacks of paper plates covered in foil, stacked high, for people wrapped up "a lil somthin” for lunch next day.

but who will carry the torch?

As the grown folks yell at each other, "you know you lying!" slapping bones on the table hard enough for someone to respond, “dude you better not break my shit with yo cheating ass”.

But again who is going to carry the torch?

The laughter and accusatory tones of "nall y'all reneged show me that book where you threw off on diamonds”, "y'all some cheatin MF’s, oops I’m sorry baby whose child is this!". “Go play with the rest of the kids and stay from under grown folks”.

but who will carry the torch?

The sound of the music getting louder and louder, as parents yelled to their children, who were not as far away as they thought, for they were ear hustling the family gossip, "come here we about to have a dance contest, do that dance you were doing the other day”.

who?

All of a sudden people grew up, marriages ended. People went off to college only to return for vacations and the every now and then family gatherings. Maybe for only family reunions, weddings and funerals. This one got engaged, that one on her third child, that boy in jail again?

But who will carry the torch

"y'all kids come in here and throw away these plates and get these dishes"! Walking in carefully getting the dishes, napkins.. plates, silverware, the last thing… are the glasses. Oh the sweet glasses with the corners of alcohol in them as we pretend we are toasting in the other room. Your favorite adult coming in to give you the last one and instead of taking that last gulp to the head, turns make sure no one is looking and passes it to you, “pour this out for me” with a wink and a smile, all the time knowing, how it was would be “poured out”. Chasing it with soda or a piece of cake.

But who will carry the torch, the legacy

The legacy of family gatherings, togetherness. The rite of passage of sharing laughs; playing cards and playing music, dancing having a good time with family, friends, food and drinks. Love and laughs. Why are some able to carry on well into adulthood, but for others, the path is demolished.  Replaced by new friendships, relationships, work friends, school friends, life, boyfriends/girlfriends/Bestfriend’s.  People going away to school, moving out of the state, marrying into new families… people dying. Links broken, matriarchs passing on, patriarchs not sharing family history out of fear of appearing weak or just not wanting to get in touch with old feelings. Not wanting to awaken sleeping ghosts.

But who?

Bad acts, trauma, unwanted sexual acts, running away from bad situations. Can’t wait to get grown so I can do what I want. Once you get grown you can get gone. Feelings not addressed, what would now be seen as childhood abuse, was then seen as discipline. Children are to be seen and not heard, boys don’t cry, act like a man (but damn he’s 7 yrs old). Girls are to be submissive, learn to obey, the man is the head of the household. Women are to learn to keep house (also known as being smart) and learn to let a man lead, to be his dream, his joy……his peace. Girls do inside work boys are to be bread winners. Boys will be boys, he will grow out of it.  Stand by your man, he’s just being a man, don’t allow someone else to destroy what you’ve built.

But who?

Girl I love you. My baby…. But what’s my last name, my favorite color? Why haven’t you returned my text? Why does your phone only seem to die when you are not with me?  

I’m pregnant…..

I’ll stand beside you, what ever you decide I’m with you….

Alone

What do you mean how do you know it’s yours!  What do you mean this is your 4th child! You slept with who?  that is my Bestfriend! What do you mean you love a man!

I am going to take care of my man. Yes, you can borrow the money I was saving for a new car, my kids school clothes….borrow my tax refund. You promise to give it back? Yes I trust you…bae. Yes I will invest in us, yes I believe in you..my name is Sharon not Sharice, oh I look like this girl you new with that name from a long time ago….whole time he was with her 3 days ago

Mom who is my dad? Why doesn’t he love me? How can he take care of someone else’s kids and not his own? Why does he keep making promises he never keeps? Why doesn’t he want to be my father?

Dad I want to come live with you, moms boyfriend has been hurting me. Daddy please, don’t make me go back to moms? Dad moms new boyfriend hits her, dad moms new boyfriend beats us, takes her money, we 

have no food…

Suck it up! Stop being so sensitive! You’ll be ok. You do that, you will go to hell? God sees you even if you think I don’t. You need to beg God for forgiveness.  God loves you, God provides. Honor thy mother and father…..even tho mom cares more about her man and going out, looking good and her weed habit, than she does about signing my permission slip and paying for my class trip..it’s $5.00?  Even though dad cares more about his other family than he does us, my football team played one he is coaching with his girlfriends kid, even though I haven’t heard from him in 7 months. When I call him he’s always at work and will call me back, but there is no child support? I continue to pray but there is still no food in the house. I pray but dad still comes home mad because he is working a job that barely pays the rent. I pray but mom still treats me different because she hates my dad and I look like him, I pray but my younger siblings dad blames me for everything. I pray but I love who I love, but God loves me so why does his church have an issue with me?

Who will carry the torch to brighten the path to bring families back to their greatness. Who will remind the family of their legacies and traditions. Who will fix what was broken centuries ago but over the decades has become worse.

Who will fix what is broken? Heal those who are broken?

Who?