My moment in truth.....true Cancerian

Being empathetic is a burden and a curse, on the one hand it enables one to see and feel what someone else is thinking and feeling, which the Christ in me makes me want to help, soothe the hurt or support one as they go through the hurt.

The problem with it is almost everything I do is guided by my emotions and feelings. It drives my day, it is like a flower in need of sunlight in order to grow. No light no growth, if you are  not catching and holding my attention you've lost me.  I wish at times I could will myself to learn, listen and detach myself from my feelings because once I'm caught up in them my mind goes in multiple directions and focusing is a struggle. Sometimes this is a great shield for my heart and mind but other times I miss out. Miss out on a word, a moment, a blessing.

I also am bothered by the fact I am so emotional, you hurt my feelings or piss me off, it's a wrap.  Now I need to speak with. God...Lord I am struggling with this part of my total self. I can't keep going down this path.  I found myself speaking to someone and giving a half hearted hello. I always want to walk in truth and am bothered that on his day I didn't.  I was standing with a friend one day after service and this other person walked up and started to speak to my friend as if I were invisible, she has a beautiful baby girl in her arms so I reach to speak and the mom tensed up and turns causing the baby to react and then she stated, "she reacts that way to strangers" and turns away back to my friend making me feel dismissed.

Now this person speaks to me, greets me etc, I'm assuming because she has seen me here more frequently and has deemed me ok to interact with.  I dare not EVER hug her because I feel this way and I would be a total hypocrite which would be an ongoing issue for me.  Not living in my truth is like having a heavy load of lies on my back carrying it everywhere I go, seeing it every time I look in the mirror. This is one of those things I need to work on(being able to be phony in the moment for a greater cause) ...or maybe not.  I mean it truly bothered me to SPEAK and I'm a Christian in the making.  This is not a person I feel the need to have a conversation with because.........we rarely cross paths and add no relevance to each other's existence.  So why am I bothered why not just fake a smile and good morning and move on.🙄 because that would be a lie...