A flower I was supposed to draw

I went to a training today and they had an exercise for us to complete where we had an option of flowers, we were to pick one and draw it. I draw with words, this is what came out of it.

Prickly pretty greenie thing, do I cook with you? or add you to oils to heal some things?

what are your properties, what treasures do you hold?  You smell so good, you have to hold a story that has yet to be told.

You are not too tall, not too wide. Once a seed now a flower with other flowers growing side by side

you grew....who knew.. one day you would be snatched up out of the ground. In a vase, in a room beautiful being passed around.

Turning my great morning with a bad mood all the way around with a temporary moment of cheer, giving me something interesting to focus on, I'm grateful to have you hear.

 

I ain’t even that type by Evonne

I ain’t even that type

I really would like to extend my hand to your face and slap the shit out of you man, But I’m going to keep things cool, cause we all grown and I won’t act a fool. For real for real, I ain’t that type

I want to drag you across this floor, just because I don’t like you, I don’t need more. Beat you ass from ceiling to floor, but hey you’re lucky, I ain’t even that type

I want to stomp you like a bug, slash yo throat roll you up in a rug, dump yo ass in that hole I dug. But again I really ain’t that type.

You’ve pissed me off, trying to bring my down, flipping my smile upside down into a frown. All I want is for you to sink into the ground; but again, I ain’t even that type.

You don’t even know me and don’t bother to try, the perception of me you’ve spread, is nothing but a lie.  I want to cut off yo lying lips and punch you in your right eye, I want to see you hurt but not necessarily die. But hey, I ain’t even that type

I try to be sweet and helpful as I can, but you’ve awakened a sleeping giant so fuck you man, run run run as fast as you can, and be glad, I ain’t even that type.

I hope your partner leaves you and takes yo kids. You find yourself wondering what the hell you did, you brought out the Evonne side of me, congrats kid that you did!

Surprise, I am that type. 

Farewell to a special friend

I took for granted you’d always be here 

Whenever I needed you, you were never too far , for me you were always near 

I started to call your phone number for your voice, I wanted to hear. 

But then it dawned on me; your voicemail. I never heard it. 

For anytime I called, on the first or second ring you’d answer as if you knew it was urgent 

It wasn’t 

To hear my need or the venting of this emotional female cancer 

But now suddenly, you’re gone, and I find myself looking for answers 

But I keep coming up short 

There are none 

When life is over, it can’t be undone 

To give me the answers I seek there is only one and you’re gone 

Gone but never forgotten. I know I’m not wrong.  

This pain in my heart isn’t mine alone.

For your kindness, your smile, and those beautiful hazel eyes and the friendship you shown 

Were a gift not just for me 

But for everyone you’ve known

I’ll miss my calls, all of my random or holiday text 

I’m allowing myself to grieve I’m not sure what’s next 

I wish you would’ve shared with me all that you were going through

On some levels, I know me or your best friend Darin would’ve been more than willing to help you

But you never said anything

People say it was just God‘s will, but for me it’s hard to accept

And I know if I offered to swap you out with somebody else this offer you’d reject

It’s who you were

Nasty, hateful, selfish people live long, live good, I can’t make sense out of this thing called life

but good people with good hearts, deal with hardships, struggles, conflicts, downfalls, no way this shit is right

But through your death, I’ve learned many a life lesson 

The biggest one being not taking for granted angels in my life, who are God‘s gifts and my blessings 

I hope with time my pain will be less

And although your friends and family on earth love you, 

God loves you best

Farewell Lester 

I thank you for being my friend 

Is It Really about Me?

I arrive to see everyone, I greet you all.

As I walk away to greet the others, I notice you turn away, with an eyeroll.

I make my rounds, greeting everyone, you smile , a half smile.

Moments later I catch a glimps in my peripheral, you looking me up and down, head to toe and as you slowly look me toe to head, our eyes lock, you quickly try to cover your scowl. 

You try, the scowl into a smile into a laugh; fake, I caught you. I ask, “girl you good”. 

You try to laugh it off, but too late , I caught you.  Hating on me for what?

My clothes, nothing fancy.

My shoes, at least they are comfy.

My hair, if you can’t grow it..buy it!

My style, comfy chic.

My confidence, my energy, my vibe? Oh that, sorry this can’t be emulated nor duplicated for I was born with this.

Surppressed for years, life brought it back, experieinces brought it up.

You cannot embrace, nor ignite the gifts you truly have because you are too busy whispering, side-eyeing, scowling, eye-rolling, fake smiling, and staring me down, top to bottom and bottom to top. 

you can’t rise, because you can’t fix your problems for you are too busy making one of those problems….. me being me and enjoying this life of mine.

Am I the problem, is it really about me?

If it is,, it’s because you made it this way.

Peace 

I Could've been more

I could’ve been more 

I often think about the life I live 

The time I waste

The gifts I give 

And sometimes it causes me to weep 

For, I never had the chance to become all that I could be 

What if someone had taken the time to simply ask me what I need to be the person I long to be 

To be the person, I see in my dreams, when I go to sleep 

What if I had a cheerleader riding with me along the way? 

Telling me you can do it; I pray for your success, let today be your day 

But I didn’t 

To have that encouragement as through life, I trotted along

Saying, so what you try it, it failed. How could trying be wrong? 

Learn from it

To have at least one person breathe some life into at least one of my dreams 

Instead of shooting them down so quickly before I awaken it seemed 

A ballerina 

A singer 

A doctor 

A lawyer 

A star 

But people made it seem like these dreams were impossible, like harness in the wind or touching a star 

But the world will never know what it would’ve been like to have been impacted by me and all my creatively 

Because no one cared or believed in me enough to help me launch and invest it seems, no one will ever experience…..ME

Sad world 

But why?

Jealousy 

Envy 

No time 

No dime

Why not? 

Fear I may surpass you? The world will love me, whereas they never did grasp you? 

Suppress my talents 

Kill my joy 

Keep me in a box built for Girls 

Because it’s a whole world out there built for boys 

Says who 

Woman stay in your place 

Man lead and uplift the race 

Woman cook, clean take care of me and my babies 

Step up when the world needs you; equal work for equal pay, bitch you must be crazy. 

Cooking, cleaning grocery shopping, taking care of the home and kids all day 

You need a break? No you don't, that's not work nall you just lazy 

The world will keep moving full speed ahead 

But I’m getting old losing steam losing gas 

Every day thinking about what could’ve been, but it’s too late for my time has passed 

Do you hear or are you just listening?

I see you listening, but do you hear? 

I see you listening to the citizens app, watching the News shaking your head and all that crap 

But do you hear the cries? 

The cries of a mothers because her son is dead, bullet ridden bodies or two to the head 

But do you hear the cries of young people as they struggle for survival? 

Are you seeing their faces, as they hear the Police or EMT talking about their friend or family member is DOA, dead on arrival? 

I see you listening to him yelling at you calling you out your name 

Jumping up, slapping you to the ground for interrupting him playing his game 

But are you hearing him saying with his actions that to him, you are not a priority 

But you don’t hear the concerns of family and friends and neighbors urging you to call the authorities 

Do you hear the call for help coming from your child, who has encountered heartbreak and let downs, when is the last time you've seen him smile?

Or were you too busy, listening to others calling him bad, hardheaded, and wild

I see a lot of people pretend to listen, but actually hearing one another, it's been a while 

Who da hell?

Who da hell are you talking to? 

You say you love me, well yeah I love me too 

I don’t say disrespectful stuff to you 

But slick shit to me coming out your mouth is what you do 

But when I respond, that’s when yo feelings get hurt 

Then folks looking at me like I’m the damn Jerk 

I tried my hardest to have a great great day, share some cheer and light 

Yeah, that’s my way 

But here you come with your flip ass mouth, half ass wit, man just look out!

I tried too many times to let that shit pass. 

But here you come all up in my space, now I'm about to verbally assassinate yo ass!

But when I clap back with this verbal assassination, why do you have such a dumbfounded look on your face? 

you created this tense situation.

So imma let you slide just this one time

Don't take my kindness for weakness, next time that ass is mine.

Thirsty

Ice cold water

Hot face hot days.

Throat is dry making me crazy. 

All I need is ice cold water 

In a glass, plenty of ice 

A dip in the ocean will suffice 

I just need as far as I can see 

Is to get this damn heat up off of me 

Nice and cold going down, soothing to the sip 

As sweat from my body drips down to the ground 

Cool, refreshing feeling good to me.

Finally feeling good as I gain me some relief! 

Let Me Speak!

Stop telling me to turn the other cheek. Let me speak. 

Stop invalidating my feelings, this makes no sense to me! Let me focus on my healing. 

Stop saying what would Jesus do, when this figure of perfection got angry once too.  

Is flipping over tables what you would like to see me do? 

Stop telling folks leave the past in the past. 

If it were true, I wouldn’t feel triggered. It wouldn’t keep sneaking up on my ass!

Yes, there are people who can forgive the past; handle the present and plan for the future. 

They can do it all 

But these are the same people having difficulties in their relationships, careers, substance-abuse issues. Around their hearts they have built the wall. 

Everyone has their way of coping with stressors. Everyone figures it out some way.

Some drink, get high, gamble or try to pray they’re pain away. 

There are people in this world, angry walking around every day 

Struggling with their Day to day, having it impact their physical and mental health

Unable to put their pain away, fearful of what other may say.

Forget them

Speak you mind

It's all going to be fine

If they get upset start to moan and groan

then maybe next time they will let you speak, or just leave you the hell alone

Ugh

It's so difficult finding joy in this world today                                                      

When you have people in positions of power not giving a damn about what they say    

The world is becoming waay too divided, people don't listen to one another, conversations one sided

who’s right          

Every other day there is something new and crazy I hear. I only pray we don't end up in a war before the end of the year                                                         

People are dying every single day; from cancer, homicide, being a person of color or gay                           

you shouldn't be judged by the color of your skin. Nor by who you fall in love with, or if you were born a her, but feel more like a him

Tragedy

People are dying, politicians are lying, people can barely pay for food             

Leaving educational decisions in the hands of incompetent people eliminating funding for schools 

what fools

how could you not understand the relationship between crime and poverty, somebody's got to be aware. But this mentality of ”if it doesn't affect me and only affects you” cutting funding why should they care.

but what about the kids

I believe that children are our future but how can they be if they can't live past 16, cutting services for diverse learners what the hell do you mean 

jobs with livable livable wages are becoming difficult to come by 

people becoming more anxious depressed reaching for drugs preferring to just stay high 

In the closets of my mind for a while I try to disconnect; taking myself from thIs realm of reality, only awakening to the chaos of what will happen next