All up in my feelings

So today I had a long talk with sheewan.  Sheewan is my inner sensitive and creative self. First let me speak on the fact that a lot of people who are gifted in words and song are often sensitive, why? Well because there is a vulnerability that comes with expressing yourself through words and hoping that you recreate the moment the piece was created for someone who wasn't there, so they may also feel what you felt. (pause).

So during this time of aligning the different facets of my total self, I realized that I have come a long way. I no longer dwell on hurt.  A lot of moments not lived, and actions not taken in my life have been because I have remembered the hurt of a previous event and dared to remember the past while careful not do anything that may repeat it.  I have grown.  There was a time when I would continue to allow myself to be hurt by those that claim to love me. To KNOW me is to love me and if you love me how can you believe the lies and untruths (it is now a word) spoken about me.  People have made mistakes myself included, but when I make one of what you believe to be a mistake, and I bring up the multiple times you have made mistakes you now bow out the fight.  Then I asked myself, is it a mistake? If for every time I fill you in on my life you have a look, or you make up things about me to share with others in an effort to make me look bad so you feel better about you.....is that a mistake?  Or a carefully orchestrated lie you conceive in your malicious little mind to make up for the void currently in your life that was once filled by me, your emotional punching bag. Your punching bag as you made jabs at my life, my kids, marital status and lack there of, my attempts that failed, (at least I tried and will continue to do so and you)?  I'll continue to pray for you and that one day you stop believing the lies you've made up in your feeble little mind and allowed to fly out you foul heartless, selfish mouth, the same one you use to pray. How dare you?

So here is my suggestion , pray that God cleanses your foul, filthy mind from spreading lies about one you may actually admire, who HAD the desire to grab hold of the rope and pull you out of your dispair. But not anymore for now I have grabbed the rope, made a lasso and am now dancing around in this thing called my life to this beat I have created for I ....CAN .....DO ......THAT! As I continue to make a run for and attempt to snag my dreams, if I miss oh well, I reset my lasso and try again because that's what you do when you hungry for life and not just settling for existence.  I don't hate you nor do I pity you for neither feeling creates growth.  I love you, but here's the kicker I love me too so actually I love us both enough to release you so you can find what makes you happy and will pray you find it sooner then later so you have time in this life to actually enjoy it.

Peace be unto you👏🏾👼🏾☮🛐