Hello Bloggers I took off a long time to find myself. I had to figure out what I believe and what I want to talk about. I am thinking about my religious journey which is very interesting, I am also thinking about the journey into my career, answering the question of why I am single, I haven't decided yet. I only share my trauma with those I trust and those that I feel I can help. I could write about me being an angel (yep still on that and think I am an angel). I could write about the people I love and those that abuse my relationship with them but I don't know what good that would do. I could write about my plans in life but I want to accomplish it then talk about it. So I am not sure where I want to go in my mind and on this keyboard. HMMMMM
I think I will talk about my recent training in EMDR and where it took me. I discussed the birth of my twin girls. This was one of the biggest trauma's I have undergone. I hate change. I hate when things that have been planned out turn into something different. Everything was cool until I got to the hospital and encountered Dr. Christmas (expecting Dr. Boatwright to deliver them). This was a woman that was doing her residency. She was an arrogant bitch. I found it very bizarre that most of the women in OB triage needed a catheter. I calmly explained that I knew how to wipe from front to back and this wasn't necessary. She became upset and called Dr. Butler and told on me. Dr. Butler got on the phone and fussed at me and I brushed it off. No one listened to me regarding my body. I told them that I wanted to get me epidural before they gave me the medication for inducing labor because I KNEW (2nd birth)that once that medication kicked in the babies were coming but no one listened. I think those bitches didn't listen on purpose and I went through pain because they gave me inducing medicine and by the time the doctor came to give me the epidural, I had so much pain that I could barely sit still for it to be put in. Then the doctor finally showed up (Butler not the one supposed to deliver my babies). I told her my chest and my ass were burning, she looked down and there was my baby's head, yep she was crowning. Oh and did I mention that there was a time they couldn't find one of my babies? No? well they couldn't this comes up again later. So I get whisked off to the delivery room where I push and I push and out comes Baby A. Baby B went up (all in my chest) and when it was time to push her, I couldn't she wouldn't come. They stuck a stick up there that checked her heart rate and it was dropping. With no prep (washing off my belly sanitizing it) a nurse called for another doctor but this over zealous bitch (dr. butler) cut me open and I felt every bit of it and I fought her but then Dr. Whiteman (or Weisman) came in and held me down while they reached in and grabbed my baby out and guess what, she was fine. Temp a lil low had to go under a light but at this point Dr Boatwright showed up and took over. They kept trying to give me anesthesia but I felt like I was going to die. I eventually succumbed to the medication in my IV and the mask over my face after I was able to see my baby (only one the other was under the light). It was later discovered my epidural wasn't all the way in which is why I felt EVERYTHING. That was a Saturday, I slept all day Sunday, Monday I saw my son (4 my big sis brought him to see me) and Tuesday thought I was going to die again. I had 3 blankets on (2 heated), the air turned off, the heat turned on (July in Chicago is like 90's) and again I was told "it's not uncommon to have a fever after giving birth", oh ok but 102.7? My teeth chattered and Dr. Boatwright came in took one look at me and said, "you have no idea how sick you are"?. My response, "I do your nurses don't". From there I was in the hospital from July 6, 2002-July 27, 2002 fighting blood clots and an infection in my abdomen. dr. butler was fired from Rush (my only joy in this outside of my beautiful baby girls). I had PTSD for about 4 years the year after I had my daughters I tracked down dr. butler and thought about sending her black roses to her job. But God said no, so I didn't.
You will be amazed what you can endure and survive once you make up your mind that failing or dying is not an option. Maybe my next post will be my conversations with God.........
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